The Book Society

What is spirituality? The definition for "Spirit" is; the part of the human being associated with the mind, will and feelings. Think about this word for a minute. We often use the word as encouragement toward another for example, "lifting ones spirit". We want to relate this word to a peace within. The word spirituality does not mean to be religious or self-righteous. Spirituality is used as a tool for those who accept its belief. Spirituality defines us as who we are in the mind, what our will (choice) is and how we feel because of our choices. From the time I was thirteen until I reached twenty-one; I was living a life of unmanageability. I was partying with my friends and doing everything there was to do that was not beneficial to me such as drinking, hanging out with the wrong crowd and using drugs occasionally to take my mind off the hurt I was feeling inside. I was damaged. Damaged so much that I could not see any other way but the way I was living in order to cope with my inner self. Through this spiritually sick period, I knew there was a God but didn't care to understand him. I was very resentful, bitter and angry. Deeply wounded, I turned away from the very thought of a spiritual anything. My wounds were so deep that it consumed me and my life became dark and meaningless. I had struggled with being sexually abused as a child, verbally abused and neglected by my parents, my parents hating each other, having a child of my own, being a single parent, getting out of an abusive unhealthy and unstable relationship , losing loved ones to tragedy, etc. Every day I escaped my pain by blaming, escaping and not resolving. The reason for me doing the things I did was always someone else's fault (so I thought at the time). When I felt my lowest, I called God's name. As soon as I felt better, I started my patterns all over again. This cycle repeated for years and all the while my spirit was infected and I didn't recognize it. I did not understand what spirituality was. It was difficult for me to think of anything else but what I was going through and all the while God was watching me. But, I needed to be defeated before I was willing to accept it. The more I tried to cope the more defeated I became and the more lost I ended up feeling. Spirituality is powerful, preserving the capability to lean and rely on something greater than ourselves to help us in times of trouble or affliction. Each one of us has a spirit inside. Our minds induce our will to make choices. If our minds are corrupted with self- destruction, confusion, sadness, rejection, fear, isolation, abandonment, insecurities, low self worth etc. our mind then influences us to have the desire to make wrong choices. When we choose to do wrong things then our feelings begin to thrust like a motor, where we are then left feeling worse then we started off. Leaving us feeling depressed, angry, bitter, resentful, oppressed, tired, unmotivated with no ambition or drive to want better for ourselves. In order to weigh our emotional level, the question we must ask ourselves is, "how is our mind, will and feelings?" In order to begin an emotional recovery we must be willing to admit that our spirit has been broken. Since we now recognize that we have a spirit, we must now realize that our spirit has been afflicted some way or somehow. In times of distress or turmoil our spirit begins to grieve, leaving us feeling sad, low, depressed even angry, bitter or resentful. Our mind begins to flourish with negative thoughts, telling us how bad our situation or circumstances are. Our mind is a vessel for corrupted thinking. The mind plays tricks on us to the point where we begin to believe that our situation is going to get worse and not better. Before we know it, we begin a pattern of behavior that becomes destructive to our spirit or our "inner peace". If this thinking continues, eventually our emotions will affect the body physically with illness, discomfort or heaviness. Destructive behavior will then lead to affecting other's that are around us leaving them to feel confused, angry, bitter or upset. This type of thinking is a lie and this lie begins to weigh deep on our spiritual peace, damaging our spirit to the point where we begin to lose hope and want to give up. After years of going through the motions of trying to escape from my own problems, I became so out of control where I didn't even know how to think anymore. The only thing I knew was that I was tired of being tired and wanted so badly for my "mess" to go away. In order for it to go away, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was the one who created it. No one would speak to me because they were afraid of my responses. I became very isolated because I was unwilling to process my pain. When I became isolated, I started to realize that everyone around me is affected badly by my behavior and my actions. If this was so, then I realized that something must be wrong with me. If everyone responded to me the same then there must have been something really wrong with me. The more I meditated on this thought the more depressed I had become. I began to lose hope and wanted to give up. I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. Not only was I causing myself pain on top of the pain I was feeling but the people around me were feeling it too. Nothing to me was worse than feeling alone.